My guilty pleasures have always been a bit strange. One of those guilty pleasures is reading one-star reviews. These can be for anything from movies to restaurants to Amazon products. While a lot of these reviews have the potential to be pretty mean and mean, every once in a while you come across one that is utterly absurd, so bizarre, and obviously ironic that you have to pause and wonder if not. not just an elaborate satirical joke.
While these hilarious comments can be found on any site involving ratings or reviews, the movie review has to be one of my favorites. So without further ado, here are my favorite one star movie reviews like Harry potter characters.
Note: While all of these reviews are real, the names of the authors / usernames are not available for quotation.
“They are criminals but no one deserves to be hit on the head again and again by a brick.” – Review of Home alone 2
For the few who have never seen this movie, it’s about a young boy who is accidentally left at home while his family goes on vacation. While at home, two thieves try to break in. Kevin, the main character, sets up an elaborate plot / obstacle course / torture chamber for these senseless criminals, who spend the rest of the film being beaten up and injured by a child. . One scene involves the two thieves trying to climb the stairs to Kevin’s house while being repeatedly hit by swaying bricks. They just can’t take a break.
This film is a bit of a bloodbath. This review, in my opinion, does a great job of summing up Draco. Yes, it’s true that his early years at Hogwarts were spent enjoying his father’s fame and money, but in the later books things start to get darker and darker for the kid. Even though he enthusiastically signs up to be a Death Eater, it’s painful to see him get knocked down so many times in such a short time.
“While I would like to believe that all toys are soft and innocent, like in this movie, I know for a fact that they are not.” – review for Toy story
A weird, vague, and disturbing review that leaves anyone reading it wondering what in the world they might be talking about, this quote has the same effect Headmaster Albus Dumbledore usually has on those around him.
This review was written about the movie Toy story… Which in no way elaborates on what in the world this statement is meant to mean.
Of course, Dumbledore is known for his great love and dedication to the students of Hogwarts. However, if there is anyone who knows the potential dark side of the younger generations, it would be him. A trip to Wool’s Orphanage to meet a certain 11-year-old Tom Riddle convinced the Director of Evil. After all, it was a student who opened the Chamber of Secrets, killed his uncle, and began to devote his studies to the creation of Horcruxes (although, at the time, the principal was unaware of the wickedness of the child he invited to Hogwarts actually was).
“I don’t want to reveal any spoilers, but there are no magicians in this movie. Don’t be fooled by the title. – review for Magic mike
Sweet, happy, enthusiastic Colin Creevey. I think on some level all Potterheads relate to Colin because deep down we know we would act the same if we got our letter from Hogwarts.
Since Colin is a Muggle-born with no idea of how the wizarding world works, I can see him writing this exact sentence in a letter to his father and brother. The review fits Colin so perfectly, that I can certainly imagine walking into class ready to pull bunnies out of top hats and learn card tricks… something he would have done with distinct pleasure.
“I hate superheroes. I also hate children. – review for Spiderman Homecoming
I’m getting major vibes from Severus Snape from this review. It’s a simple, straightforward exam that doesn’t waste time in pomp. He’s not beating around the bush, and he’s blunt. It also happens to display some of Snape’s core values. Of course, superheroes aren’t a thing in the Wizarding World, but kids certainly are. Especially kids with round glasses and unruly dark hair. Also kids with toads and Abyss Potions records.
“I love Ryan Roberts but I hope his kids don’t see this movie one day.” – review for dead Pool
This is quite possibly my favorite review. Not only is Ryan Reynolds’ name spelled hilariously, it fervently reminds me of one of the Marauders talking about James. They are big fans of him and his adventures, but also hope that little Harry will never find out about all the troubles his father had at school.
Do you have any one-star reviews that we left out? Which one do you prefer? What characters should we add next time?