The Secrets To Watching The Harry Potter Movies, And How To Watch Them All In Order Too: Everything You Need To Know, Honestly.
Several years into our existence, and it has come to our attention that Film Stories is not the top result for absolutely everything when you do a Google search. This parody clearly required some work on our part, so we reconnected with a team of crack consultants who gave us advice on our “content”. There is the first recommendation we were given: we no longer have the right to call our words “articles” or “stories”. This site, from now on, will focus on “compelling digital content” that we will seek to “monetize”.
These consultants told us that we need to start playing the game. After a long PowerPoint presentation using long words that we didn’t necessarily understand, they explained to us that the way forward was to write articles based on exactly what people search on google.
We told them we weren’t that kind of site. They, to their credit, explained that was not quite what they meant.
Instead, they pointed to this newspaper that seems to stuff the internet with “what time is it?” Bullshit. EastEnders start tonight? ‘ and pour 500 words on it. We watched them with some trepidation, but it turns out the newspaper is making millions, and we can barely afford to turn on the kettle.
As such, here is our new dramatic direction. We’re really ‘give people what they want’, and that’s why we’ve been advised to start with ‘how to’ articles. To get Google’s attention, we apparently need to be at least 500 words long, and we’re only halfway there. Shit.
We did a quick research on what everyone else was doing, just to get some, uh, “tips.” We really missed a tip here …
People don’t even know how to watch the movies in order? Well crikey. It’s quality content that we can happily distribute.
If, then, you want to watch the Harry Potter movies, here are the essential steps you need by now.
- It is best to open your eyes first. We find this essential for watching a movie.
- Make sure your television is plugged into the mains and pointing towards your eyes. It’s probably best to make sure you’ve paid your electric bill, lest your viewing be interrupted by an unwanted power cut.
- If you’ve paid for your TV on the never before, check that your payments are up to date. You don’t want ushers to come and take your flatscreen just as Hagrid starts explaining what’s going on.
- Turn on the television. Televisions usually come with a manual and a remote control to help you with this task.
- Get your 4K Ultra HD Harry Potter Movie DVD, Blu-ray or Blu-ray that you want to watch. Remove it from the case, being careful to hold the disc by the edges so as not to leave fingerprints on it.
- At this point you have the option to toss the disc across the room and see if Netflix has Krull available in streaming. If you cannot find a copy of Krull, do not hesitate to continue with Harry Potter
- Place your disc in the player and press the “play” button on your remote. This traditionally has the shape of a triangle.
- Sit back and wait while a copyright notice and animated company logos and stuff is played. Furiously stab at the buttons on your remote to try and ignore them. It won’t work, but it’s an essential part of the process nonetheless. If you accidentally press the “eject” button as part of this, go back to step 7.
- Sit down and watch the movie. Pull out your phone and scroll through Twitter during boring times. There are quite a few in the first and second films.
- At the end of the movie, when the words come up on the screen to tell you who did what, sit back and read them and enjoy how many people it takes to make a movie. Whisper in a low voice when there is no post-credits scene involving Marvel characters. Remember to make a little joke about it on Twitter later.
- Press the eject button on your remote. The disc will now come out of your drive, and it’s good to put it back in the box.
- Return the disc, in its packaging, to your traditional storage location. It can be an organized shelving system or a pile on the side of the TV.
- Finally, if you want to watch all the movies in order, then our best advice here is to watch the first one first, then the second, then the third, then the fourth, then the fifth, then the sixth, then the seventh, then the eighth.
Hope this collection of essential information has transformed your viewing experience and solved any difficulties you may have encountered in figuring out how to watch movies.
Next time around, we’ll see the bottom of “what time is the 10 o’clock news tonight”. While you’re thinking about it, we’re about to pay this consultants bill. Does anyone have fifty thousand dollars spare?
Thanks to Ryan Lambie for his help with the complicated items.
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